


take my rose and kiss my thorns

by Allegory



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Blood, Confessions, Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 05:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10236791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allegory/pseuds/Allegory
Summary: “When you walk into practice with palpitations and a massive headache and you can barely walk up the stairs and you’re so, so tired, but you know you’ve got to do it, you’ve got to win, and this—“





	

**Author's Note:**

> everything hurts rip anxiety management pls

“Why I do it?”

Yuri tips his bottle over carefully, dampening a pad of tissues. He picks up a scissor and wipes it along each of the blade.

“Because why not, really?” Yuri props an ankle on his knee and angles the metal edge against his scabbed skin. Cool air licks at the old wounds, a thicket of vines on skinny joint. “When you walk into practice with palpitations and a massive headache and you can barely walk up the stairs and you’re so, so tired, but you know you’ve got to do it, you’ve got to win, and this—“

Yuri bites his lower lip, grunting slightly as he saws his flesh. There’s no beauty in it, not the beauty with which he skates, the delicate balance of heel and toe. It’s destruction of the body to save the mind; a pariah of violence. Yuri saws until the pain is unbearable and his head is throbbing, blood pulsing in his ears—but ah, what respite.

Otabek watches in apathetic silence. His face reveals nothing but a hint of curiosity as his boyfriend draws his own blood.

“This is the only thing left,” Yuri sighs between gritted teeth. He looks no better than a meth addict as he slumps back, gazing at the wound behind lidded eyes. A rose of blood buds on his ankle. “See-“

Yuri shows Otabek all the other wounds on his body. He shows him the ones on his stomach, by his knees, on his upper arms, lets him run his fingers along all of them. Otabek’s expression doesn’t change even as Yuri shifts his hand, finally, to the open cut on his ankle, as if to say to him _take my rose and kiss my thorns_. Otakek doesn’t move.

“You’re such a shitty boyfriend,” Yuri mumbles, kicking his hand off. Yuri straddles him and inhales sharply when he bends his ankle the wrong way.

Tears form in Otabek’s eyes. Yuri raises his hand to slap Otabek, “Don’t do this."

Still Otabek's features have not changed, and he takes Yuri’s raised hand and gently cups them both in his, kissing his fingernails, trailing down to his palms. The tingling comes again followed by a series of pinches—like little insects biting Yuri’s arms and his back. His anxiety rises from the bog with its ugly head reared.

“Fucker,” Yuri breathes. He doesn’t cry because of sentiment but because he’s feeling it again—an impending omen of death ringing in his head and the emotions flood over, washing him away. He closes his eyes and guides Otabek’s hands around his neck, trying to squeeze those calloused hands. Otabek is stalwart as a mountain and Yuri begins to sob because every part of him is in pain and he just wants it all to end, now, _never._

**Author's Note:**

> if yall want this to be a series it'll probs be otabek being like, u need to stop babe, and yuri being like, fuck off hoe, but surprise not surprise beka has some fucked up secrets of his own rip


End file.
